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| Ceasar and me 2014 |
I have opened this blog with one view in mind...I am so not going to 'walk into that good night' without kicking and screaming all the way.
Whenever I go through the old Pearly gates or 'the other place (note to self, stairways to heaven.....highways to hell...) I will slide sideways through the gates with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a cream cake WITH chocolate in the other screaming 'what a ride'...but I will not be shuffling off the mortal coil in a whimper.
Why am I even thinking like this ?
because I have come to a huge, massive cross roads.
I have been sofa surfing in a friends country residence. Real luxury and invited to stay as long as I wished, which was totally sweet of my friend but as a guest, you have no rights, no real way of doing or being anything other than a guest.
I can't set up my studio as I wish, even though there is room for one. Too messy, and once a studio is set down it takes months to get right and months to empty if you have to do that.
I can't go out and redesign the garden, that would be rude.
Little things, silly things but if ever you have the opportunity to be someone's guest for a length of time, you will know exactly how I feel right now.
The house of course, will be sold at some time and that unsettling thought caused me to re think my world.
The cross roads is simple really, once this house is sold which could be next week, next year it is after all worth millions so not many buyers in that arena, then I will be homeless. That is, I am already homeless in the factual sense, I am a guest, not a resident, or a tenant. A guest, and I will have to move on.
I have been a guest for 8 months, it was a wonderful gesture, amazingly generous and simply the most beautiful place I have ever lived in, in my entire life. I have in fact, despite technically being homeless, lived the life of a millionaires s without the costs involved because my friend won't let me pay for a thing.
All I have had to do, is rest, recuperate and recover from a long illness which had undermined me to the point of exhaustion. My friend is returning me to life instead of existence as I did for them during a crisis, one good turn as they said, deserves another.
It has truly been wonderful. But it won't last forever.I will have to think my life through, make my choices and ready myself. That has been a huge process.
It is all down hill from here. OR its the start of an Adventure and I am choosing the adventure because that is living and I have never done existence before and it was boring and made me old before my time. Being here has been cathartic and healing and wonderful...but those itchy feet !!!!
