Last Friday was a dreadful day, my son lives in France, was out of touch and literally I froze with fear. I had no idea if he was in Paris that awful night, he goes to Paris with friends occasionally, its a random event. I was afraid for 12 hours until he contacted me, marked himself safe on Face book and reassured me. His village is filled with troops and police presence and he is OK, he is alive, he is...my eldest boy and precious to me.
Relieved about his situation, I remained, as did the world, horrified at the carnage. I am not going to rant here, there would be little point. Enough to say I share the horror and the fear equally and remain...very glad I am alive.
Being alive and feeling alive are two distinctly different experiences, I have existed for the last few years in a brain fog caused by various factors. I have simply rolled with the living that seemed possible, never enthusiastic, or awed or any positive emotions, just...existing.
Recent changes in my health regime which included adding turmeric to my world caused vast emotional changes, positivity came along and booted the brain fog right out. Reactions and responses changed, my perspective altered. The more positive the actions in my thoughts, in my physical world, paid into further improvements and now...I am alive. Its a first for a long time, its beneficial to everyone if I am positive, alive, in touch with and expressing y emotional contentment. I am the head of my family, what affects me, affects my children, my grand children.
The world events affect us all, that is indisputable, the ripple effects of whether or not someone you love is caught up in a world event becomes negative or positive as the events unfold. Recently a friend was caught up in the terrible hurricane that swept across South America. I became aware of his danger and affected by his situation. Concerned and relieved when he marked himself safe on an emergency contact provided by social media.Another friend was in Paris, the relief when she marked herself safe, again through social media was palpable.
The direct connection between my son and I and his 'possible' situation had me in a blind panic of fear and reactive to the least little bit of news, names, video posts. Watching each and every video posted on line to see if my sons face was on there. Eagerly seeking information from every avenue, frightened and revolted by the carnage created by such selfish individuals. Afraid and at the same time becoming passionately involved in the entire situation as I saw acts of bravery, events I hope to the highest of heavens I am never personally , ever, involved in. So very glad I was safe,secure in a situation far removed from such diabolical events.
I woke after a genuine nights sleep so alive, so aware of the freshness of the air, the feel of rain on my cheeks, the crunch of leaves under my feet. I felt.............alive. The near catastrophe of my sons well being avoided, no longer present, created an awareness of my love of life and my enjoyment of its being has increased a thousand fold.I am grateful I am were I am, happy within myself. Incredibly moved by events unfolding in the world scene, scared and afraid of the events possible and yet to be. Aware in a way I wasn't before.
Fear and factors of terror, implied threats and dominating violence's throughout the world, are not a reason for feeling happy, they are however, reasons to be grateful its not in my back yard, not in my experience.
I feel for those in Syria, Iraq,Libya,Paris , I have compassion for Ethiopia and African states now suffering drought. I will engage with any and every possible support it is within my power to help. I am more aware politically than ever before. I am studying the world political stage as never before. I am unafraid of my own life and my own living, I am grateful, happy to be alive and actually living my life, not existing.
To 'come alive' at this time in our world stage, to finally be able to engage with living after so many years of existence has been a huge wake up call. I remain, content and happy I am that living person, someone who is grateful and actively engaging, that the world stage has displayed such agonising issues is something I cannot alter on my own, but I can and will join the vast humanity who will make their voices heard. I will engage with the call to stand and be counted. I won't make a huge difference on my own, but as a member of the human nation I can, I will.
I want my fellow man, to feel happy to be alive, grateful for their world. It won't happen in my life time, doubtfully, but it may begin in my lifetime. My children and grand children are inheriting a world of pain, old wars of black v white, your religion v their religion, slavery, domination's, border conflicts and oil wars...old ways, old wars. I want that to stop. Only by retaining my love of life, of living can I continue to enable where possible a fight for a peaceful world where countries don't bury food because of its misshapen appearance while whole families die of starvation across a sea. I want.equality for the worlds citizens, I want them too, to feel glad to be alive.
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